Who am I? There are lots of ways to answer that question from less serious to more serious, less accurate to more accurate. You are you, so other than showing up as yourself no one other thing will ever capture the entirety of you. That being said, some things do ‘speak’ to us. They resonate. We get excited when we see a portion of ourselves represented so well in the external world, in a way we find ourselves. In addition to finding ourselves as we are today, we get a glimpse of what we can be and a reaffirmation of who we were in the past. Tomorrow’s dreams become reality, even if only for a second somewhere deep down. Yesterday’s pains and successes feel deeper now that you know there is another being out there that felt the same thing. In the same turn, those less than bright spots of our character find their expression, too. We can see someone else play out the themes whose subtle presence we sense but that they play out to the extreme.
This new ‘Idols’ concept is being created in this vein – to explore a little into people and characters that I idolize. Idolize is a strong word as it does have connotations to worship which goes beyond mere respect and admiration. If I am referring to things which I myself align with (to a specific extent with any particular one), then I think idol is a fair word to use. The first idol to be discussed and the first one that always comes to mind for me is Batman. If I could only pick one it would be Batman.
The Dark Knight. His whole ethos, what he stands for, what he is, is surprisingly and powerfully captured in just that title alone. The noun is knight. Knights as we know them stand for justice, virtue, service – those that commit themselves to the completion of a task in the face of any amount of danger. The adjective is dark. There’s not much more to say. He doesn’t necessarily fight crime gladly or with any amount of positive attitude. It’s not that he has no fear hence can act in the face of danger. He is afraid, but will act anyway. He despairs that everything he does is ultimately meaningless, yet he commits himself to a level of discipline most people are incapable of to carry on his crime fighting. Why? Because he can, and the faintest implication that he should, places those chains on him – it’s how he is. Yes, he can choose to not, but then he wouldn’t be Batman, he would be one of all the rest of us.
For me, Batman is the definition of a force of good. He himself may not be good, but he does good things. That I can appreciate. I don’t know whether or not I am good, but to see others suffer, feel a call to action, and answer it, well that’s amazing in my book. I have not yet answered that call, and no excuse will be given. I have my own way of living and interacting with the world and will continue to let that play out.
I don’t place that much weight personally on there being a difference between Batman and Bruce Wayne – to me they’re one and the same. The regular human world that interfaces with Bruce Wayne the billionaire doesn’t really interface with Bruce Wayne the man, other than for his butler Alfred. Bruce experienced intense trauma as a child when his parents were murdered. We’ve all experienced unpleasant things, and my version of struggles early in life shaped parts of me. We don’t always have the words, fortitude, or perspective to express these things, so sometimes they don’t get expressed which is how you get to a Batman with the real Bruce Wayne being somewhere inside of it all. It’s not really that his struggle is incapable of being understood, it’s that he is incapable of communicating his struggle, verbally at least.
Non-verbally, Batman embodies the idea that actions are louder than words. He may not talk to you, but he will save your life. He prioritizes the well-being of his inner circle like Alfred who is basically a father figure, yet is unable to simply express his love to Alfred with a hug or direct words. Alfred knows the tremendous amount of pressure Bruce lives under (including self-created pressure), so it’s not as butler but as carer that he goes out of his way to have every little detail taken care of for Bruce from breakfast to a tuned Batmobile. It’s all unspoken, which isn’t necessarily a good thing, it’s just how it is. This is not too dissimilar to parts of my behavior with my family. I may be one of the most accommodated family members, yet I never ask for anything. There is no doubt I will be there when needed (and even when not needed), I let my actions show that. Part of it is the responsibility of being the oldest son. I’m working on being able to show affection more directly, but this requires still more self-reflection and determination. I sense a good chunk of this has to do with me, as several of my siblings are quite the opposite way, so that is encouraging.
Beside the emotion of Batman, there is the being of Batman. Batman is incredibly strong and powerful. Any comparison of strength between Batman and ‘real superheroes’ is pointless since Batman is totally human. I do tend to agree that Batman’s humanity makes him more relatable, and that’s important in a world where we aren’t born heroes but must become heroes through our actions. Among men, Batman is elite because he trains like a monster and builds his tolerance for pain. Combined with his intelligence, this almost makes him feel invincible. In a chaotic world that is always threatening our demise, such strength may allow us to weather the storm and come out on the other side. Will we come out as ourselves? That’s the question, yes and no probably. Maybe we will come out as Batman and Bruce Wayne. Unity is a major theme of how I think, so the final answer of having multiple personas in one person isn’t good enough. I will keep asking the questions on why they are different, why can’t they be the same? What do I need to think differently or what would need to be true so that I felt the same?
The last trait I’ll mention is Batman’s independence. Gotham City is basically hell, on purpose. Bad things happen, you can’t trust others to do the right thing, politicians are corrupt or too weak. Batman follows his internal compass, and I’ll only praise this noting that I believe he reflects deeply about the impact of his actions and is making mostly qualified reflections. I do not praise criminals or drug traffickers that follow their beliefs single-mindedly (as I’ve heard people claim about characters like Pablo Escobar in the show Narcos) – those people cause much more destruction and suffering despite any silver lining good deed that is ultimately meaningless. I don’t think Batman likes breaking the law, but he will if it means he can save people. A lot of people hate him, and even many people that like him are scared of him. There are so many things that together make it seemingly impossible that Batman would show up, even want to show up, yet despite everything, we know who will come when the Bat-Signal lights up the sky.